The Drama Triangle in Solution Sales

Understanding the Drama Triangle.

You may have heard about how education, experiences and upbringing shapes our beliefs and values. Social norms, cultures, sub-cultures and the environments we live amongst, shapes an our moral compass, or its absence. Legislation, etiquette and even the smallest human interactions are driven by these invisible codes.

Ultimately, we’re all same same, but different. Wired by the world we were raised in, and uniquely shaped by how we choose to respond to things. For example, subcultures whisper rules we didn’t agree to but still follow. You know the sibling that always takes, and while you’re expected to keep giving. That colleague who slacks off, or tries to palm off their work to you, and while you quietly carry the weight for the team.

These unspoken contracts run deep… However, the moment you notice them, you begin to reclaim control of what’s true to you.

The Hidden Cruelty and The Triangle That Traps Us

I remember wanting to understand what makes an exceptional salesperson. So I confided in a sales executive at a cybersecurity company. He was someone who had achieved awards for global top sales for three consecutive years. He was kind enough to tell me his struggles at the start of his sales journey until taking a course called "The Sandler Training.”

In one of the videos I watched on the Sandler Sales Methodology, provides the concept of the Drama Triangle,¹ and as I understand, this psychological model was developed by Stephen Karpman. The Drama Triangle² is comprised of three roles: the victim, the rescuer and the persecutor. It is believed that the victim is someone who solicits sympathy and triggers an internal conflict within the rescuer to step in, to help, to fix a problem. Meanwhile, the persecutor will feel resentful and angry about the victim’s problems. These roles aren’t fixed and can shift between parties like a roulette wheel, shifting based on circumstances and reaction.

Sandler’s training warns against the trap of rescuing. When you jump in to save soemone who hasn’t claimed their problem, you rob their opportunity to grow. At the same time, you exhaust your yourself, and may become attached to the identity of a rescuer, which eventually becomes your cage.

And there’s a twist to the overall issue: when the Rescuer fails to solve a problem, or crosses an unspoken boundary, Resecuer can quickly be cast as the Persecutor. This pattern happens in the workplace, in our personal lives, i.e. in familiees, friendships and our own heads.

Retiring the Rescuer

In sales (and leadership), Sandler advises:

• Stay out of the drama; and

• Don’t play the Rescuer.

Because when you solve someone else’s problem before they’ve owned it, you:

• Take on responsibility that isn’t yours;

• Prevent them from discovering their own power; and

• Burn yourself out while they stay exactly where they are.

You become a hero in the wrong story, and a side character in someone else’s loop. Then feelings of resentment can emerge from all parties which circles back to an earlier post, “The Mythic Mode | Runes of Reckoning.”

But how does one even become a rescuer? Where does it begin?

If I had to trace the part of me that subconsciously reached for a rescuer role, over and over again in corporate life…I would say it was shaped by upbringing, and by culture.

Collectivist cultures are often seen carried in many Asian countries. This is where group harmony and social cohesian is priortised, and maintaining this balance is often not a choice, but a social expectation.

Western societies champion individualism. An approach that prioritises personal agency, autonomy and independence. You’re encouraged to solve your own problems and expected to let others do the same. Assisting becomes optional, as it is often reserved for professionals, systems, or designated roles.

Being of Asian heritage means I am taught values and beliefs that are held true to my parents, passed through generations as stories, rituals, and unspoken rules. However, growing up in a Western society meant I was also steeped in a different rhythm, shaped by classrooms, playgrounds, and the quiet rebellion of finding my own voice.

Over time, I didn’t choose one over the other…I learned to marry them. To respect the ancestral wisdom and lived experiences, whilst forming a belief system that feels more mine than inherited. However, for the longest time, I was a ‘rescuer’, only now to have realised, I was the one who needed rescuing.

Things I Thought Were Right… Until They Weren’t