Runes of Reckoning
Understanding "the Rift" and something called resentment.
What is “The Rift”?
We’ve all felt The Rift.
Some of us live life feeling this rift all the time and not realising that it’s happening.
It’s the invisible split between head and heart, logic and intuition, intellect and emotion.
As Gary Zukav and Linda Francis wrote in The Heart of the Soul:
“Some do not know that they are grieving, even when sorrow is the only sun that rises for them in the morning…
Most people think of themselves as experiencing emotions only when powerfully emotional currents erupt through their lives, disturbing routines devoted to activities, accomplishments, or survival.”
What is Resentment-really?
It’s a slow-burning emotional cocktail of anger, disappointment, and powerlessness—served daily, often without realising we’re drinking from it.
Resentment is grief in disguise…
According to Magali Josefina Villalobo in the Journal of Analytical Psychology,
resentment is an emotion that arises from the inability to respond to an offence, humiliation, mistreatment, or injustice. This sense of failure evolves into resentment, which can simmer and intensify into feelings of hatred, indignation, rage, a thirst for justice, and a desire for revenge.
So What? Why It Matters
Resentment is more than a feeling…
Left unchecked, it can corrode your creativity, your capacity for intimacy, your sense of self-worth, and your ability to trust and move forward.
But when acknowledged?
Resentment becomes a compass…a signal pointing toward the conversations, boundaries, and healing you’ve avoided for too long.Resentment starts as silence, and it ends as self-betrayal.
The Real Cost of Resentment
Resentment freezes your ability to grow or move on.
It’s the friction beneath every “I’m fine.”
It’s the exhaustion behind your lack of motivation.
It’s why you fantasise about quitting, walking out, disappearing.
Here’s what it steals:
Emotional safety and trust
Authentic connection and communication
Momentum and motivation
Loyalty, generosity, and joy
Resentment isn’t weakness.
It’s an unmet need asking to be seen.
How Resentment Shows Up
In Romantic Relationships
Score-keeping or keeping tabs, like constantly thinking, “I always do more,” or “You never help.”
Passive-Aggressive communication, like subtle digs instead of direct discussion.
Emotional shutdown, for example, loss of generosity or reciprocity where you’re no longer going out of your way to care or support your partner, because giving more feels like “losing” again.
Where you harbour unspoken expectations. For example, thinking if they love me, they’d do it without me asking.
Escapism Fantasies, “Life would be better without them.”
At Work
Passive-aggressive communication, sarcastic responses and withholding information as a form of control or quiet sabotage.
Withdrawing or disengaging behaviour may be signs of “quiet quitting”-doing the bare minimum without openly saying why.
Chronic complaining like venting to colleagues, focusing on everything that’s wrong but never addressing the issue nor proposing solutions.
Obsessing over fairness with constant comparison to peers around pay, recognition and promotion.
In Families
The “martyr” dynamic. There’s usually one person who sacrifices their time, energy or money without saying much, and feel as though they “do everything” and it shows up as guilt trips, “after everything I’ve done for you…”
Imbalance roles leading to silent score keeping within all members of the family, and tension builds, “of course, I’m the one who has too clean up again.” Quietly resenting siblings or parents for being “absent,” “selfish,” or “spoiled.”
Unspoken needs where you expect they should know how to act, and get hurt if your emotional needs aren’t being met, but never expressing them.
Most may experience the tense holiday tension or passive-aggressive gatherings at the family dinner table, “jokes” that sting, or avoidance of certain topics.
In Friendships
Building internal narratives in your head about their motives, “they don’t value me” or “they only come to me when they need something.”
One sided effort, where one person who always texts first, makes plans, and checks in overtime feels unappreciated or taken for granted.
Feeling invisible because of unspoken expectations and disappoints that makes you feel let down they didn’t call or show up during milestones or hard times.
Passive-aggressive behaviour may arise as subtle jabs in conversations, or deliberately cancelling plans in the last minute.
Now What?
You may have heard someone say, “She just left.”
Or “I didn’t see the divorce coming.”
But the truth is, we often leave long before we go.
We show up differently. We shut down. We perform.
Sometimes, we don’t even recognise ourselves anymore.
So is it them?
Is it us?
Is it the culture, the expectations, the pressure?
Yes. And it’s also the stories we carry—unexamined.
Your Power Lies in Reclaiming the Narrative
I’ve co-authored Strategic Conversations with Chris Voss, including a chapter called “The Courage to Burn”—a blueprint for reclaiming control of your story, your choices, and your identity.
You can live with clarity.
You can burn down the parts that no longer serve you.
You can write a new rune—one that aligns with who you truly are.
Reflections & Practices
We operate in a society where we feel there’s not enough time to do anything. As Aussies may say, “I didn’t even have time to scratch myself today.”
If not now, then when?
We wait until it’s too late…after the layoff, the breakup, the funeral, the fallout.
But clarity doesn’t need a crisis. It needs a choice.
Here are small steps that carry big power:
Check in with yourself:
→ “What do I wish they knew or understood?”
→ “What am I giving that I’m not receiving?”Label the feeling or emotion with courage:
→ “I’ve been holding onto something that’s affecting how I show up.”Use gentle honesty:
→ “I’ve noticed I’ve been feeling distant. Can we talk?”Recalibrate or release:
→ Can this be repairable?
→ Or is it time to create space for something more aligned?In conversations, use “I” language, not blame:
→ “I feel unseen when…” instead of “You never…”Rebuild trust with small acts:
→ Resentment often softens when we feel safe, heard, and reconnected. Consistency restores trust. Safety softens resentment.Seek support:
→ Therapy, coaching, or even a wise friend can help untangle long-standing patterns.
Final Thoughts…
Resentment doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means something sacred in you has gone unseen for too long.
Not every relationship is meant to last.
But every aligned relationship is built on truth, care, and courage.
You have the power to rewrite the terms.
To speak up.
To draw a line.
To choose peace over pleasing.
The future doesn’t wait for the ready.
It rewards the clear, the brave, and the willing.
With love, fire, and mythic clarity,
Monique x